the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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