I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
