OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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