Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
