Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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