I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
