Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
