Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
