She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
