Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize