I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
