We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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