he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
