eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
