He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
