They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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