my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize