Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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