i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
