this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
