I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
