its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I stole a fireplace last night.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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