I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
