I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
