I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You don't make any sense
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