my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
