I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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