Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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