Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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