so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Randomize
