i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
