she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
