never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
