I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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