I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
