I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
