I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
