My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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