Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
tell me about the eggs
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
