totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
