I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
