My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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