Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
