everyone is single if you try hard enough
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
