Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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