Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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