So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Of course I have a pirate flag
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
