I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
