Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
