but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
