I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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