Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
