dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
