A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
