what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
