Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
