no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
