Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
