We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
