I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
