The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
