I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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