8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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