It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
