how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
