We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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