I didn't shave. On purpose
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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