it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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