I want to walk on stilts...naked
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
