I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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