ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
