I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
