the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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